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It all started with the speculation of a possible golf club attack at the Tiger Woods home prior to his now-infamous accident. The Woods incident triggered thoughts of the death of former NFL star Steve McNair at the hands of his girlfriend. Mid-thought, news broke that Cincinnati Bengals star Chris Henry had died after sustaining injuries from falling from the back of a truck driven by his fiancée with whom he had allegedly been arguing. All three headlines had one theme in common: domestic violence with men as the victims. Prior to these news-making stories, many of you had probably never given much thought to this type of domestic violence. However, it exists. We are inundated with it in the media, even if it is never dubbed as domestic violence. Think about it: “The Tyra Banks Show” devoted an entire episode to the topic. Oxygen’s original series, “Snapped,” chronicles women who, well…snap…and typically their victims are lovers and/or spouses. Cases like that of Clara Harris (who ran over her husband with their daughter in the car) and that of Mary Winkler (who murdered her preacher husband) were high-profile for extended periods of time. Whitney Houston admitted to being the aggressor of the abuse between she and then-husband Bobby Brown. Several books documenting the presidency of Bill Clinton allege former First Lady Hillary was verbally and physically abusive, often hitting, scratching, and throwing things at her husband. Saturday Night Live alum Phil Hartman was murdered in his bed while sleeping, execution-style, by his wife. Instances such as these extend far beyond the glitz and glamour of the celebrity world. Yet, if this many noteworthy instances are so prevalent in the media, why does the topic of male victim domestic violence continue to go unnoticed? There is a double-standard in our society that men are the more dominant of genders, while women are the weaker sex and are the only ones who can be victimized in such a way. The stigma of not being macho or being weak lead to incidents of not only domestic violence but rape and sexual harassment going unreported. Men simply cannot be ‘victims’ while maintaining the stereotypical male image. Shame. Denial. Inferiority. Fear. Weakness. Ridicule. Those are all words used to describe why men often do not report when they are being abused. That alone leads to varying degrees of statistics on the matter. BatteredMen.com cites 835,000 men abused each year. Research over the past 25 years has shown that men and women act violently in relationships at about the same rate, according to the Men’s Activism Network, and are equally apt to be the initiators in a violent situation. In contrast to most stories of abused females, there is an assumption that any man who is battered is deserving. Be it due to having an extramarital affair or philandering with another individual, the message is that any act of romantic wrongdoing warrants - and excuses - physical violence. In many of the aforementioned cases, purported infidelity was the catalyst for the violence. Also, women have a range of reasons to allegedly legitimize their physically violent behavior, whereas men do not. Premenstrual syndrome, postpartum depression, and menopause are just a few of the excuses given in defense of attacking their partner. Men, on the other hand not only lack such reasoning, but are often disbelieved if they do choose to make the abuse known. Men are also hesitant to report instances of domestic violence due to the lack of resources available. Though there are outlets in existence like the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women, S.A.F.E. (Stop Abuse for Everyone), and BatteredMen.com, most support groups and organizations target female victims of abuse. It took so long for abuse against women to be recognized, so long for women to feel comfortable in reporting it, that a majority of literature and help available is more specific to female victims. Yet, male victims are no different than female ones in many regards. Men are often guilty of justifying the abuse. Some excuse their partner’s behavior as sporadic, substance-induced, or as punishment for something they did wrong. They fear that leaving will lead them to end up alone, or without their in-tact family. They succumb to the notion that they can live with the repercussions of an abusive relationship because of love and commitment. They feel that anything between themselves and their partner is a private, family matter to not be shared with the public. They will cover for their partner’s behavior with phony explanations of injuries and depression. They insist that their partner will change. How many times have you heard the same regarding an abused female? No matter if you are male or female, in a heterosexual or a homosexual relationship, domestic violence is NEVER okay. Physical and verbal abuse are never justified or to be accepted as the norm. Infidelity, while inexcusable, is never grounds to physically abuse someone else, nor are any other relationship-oriented issues. We are to never put our hands on another person, no matter how intense our anger or hurt. Domestic violence is not gender-specific. We, as a society, must not continue to ignore that men, as well as women, can be victimized. We must encourage men to speak up without shame or fear because abuse of any kind is serious, regardless of anatomy. It is a necessity that we open up a dialogue about this issue and bring it to the forefront. Now, more than ever, we have the perfect opportunity to do so in the midst of the Tiger Woods scandal. Why not urge the talking heads to pause their salacious discussions with the next in a string of Woods’ purported lovers and turn their attention to the allegations that he might have been physically accosted by his wife on that fateful night and, if so, why has nothing been done about it? Such headlines might encourage more men to come forward with their stories, report the abuse they suffer, and shed light on a rising epidemic.  http://www.BatteredMen.comshapeimage_19_link_0
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